August 7, 2026
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Secure Attachment: What It Looks Like And How To Develop It

There appears to be a continuity between early attachment styles and the quality of later adult romantic relationships. For a child to develop a secure attachment, they need to be raised in an environment where they feel protected and seen by their caregivers. The four attachment styles, defined by Mary Ainsworth’s Strange Situation experiment, are secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized.

Secure Attachment Style

We’re wired for attachment – it’s why babies cry when separated from their mothers. Depending especially upon our mother’s behavior, as well as later experiences and other factors, we develop a style of attaching that affects our behavior in close relationships. The Attachment 101 Course helps you understand your emotional patterns—and how to build secure bonds. They break because emotional safety disappears—usually through unmet attachment needs, unhealed wounds, and negative cycles https://www.tiktok.com/@asiatalkscom that keep partners from finding each other again. When we’re born, we’re extremely reliant on our caregivers for survival. Even though we don’t yet understand the world, we develop an innate response to our primary caregiver’s behavior which goes on to influence our development long-term.

  • Attunement is a subtle process in which the parent is “tuned in” to the child’s emotional needs.
  • Regardless of your primary relationships, you can change attachment styles.
  • If you identify with these traits, working with a therapist specializing in attachment issues can be helpful in developing more secure attachment patterns and healthier relationships.
  • According to psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby, our early relationships with our parents (or caregivers) shape the way we perceive and act in relationships throughout our lives.

What’s The Difference Between A Therapist And Psychiatrist?

For people with insecure attachment styles, this can be a profoundly healing experience. Over time, a therapist can help you identify patterns, explore where they came from, and experiment with new ways of relating in a safe environment. While your attachment style usually forms in childhood, it’s not set in stone. Many adults shift their attachment patterns over time, especially in the context of therapy or emotionally safe relationships. This is often called “earned secure attachment” — and yes, it’s absolutely possible to change from anxious or avoidant to secure.

secure attachment style

Secure Attachment – From Childhood To Adult Relationships

Children should be supported in exploring their world in a way that makes them feel secure. Caregivers should aim to reassure the child that they believe in their abilities but stay close if something goes wrong. At the same time, they should get reassurance that their caregiver is nearby if they need to check in. Caregivers who provide a secure base allow infants to become autonomous, inquisitive, and experimental.

Interactional synchrony can facilitate emotional attunement, as coordinated nonverbal behaviors may help individuals better understand and connect with each other’s emotional states. Interactional synchrony is a form of rhythmic interaction between infant and caregiver involving mutual focus, reciprocity, and mirroring of emotion or behavior. If the caregiver responds correctly, most of the time, the child should understand that their world is reliable and they can have some control over it.